What the heart wants
by cozmonkey
Summary: Gordo stuck, between two girls, two very important girls, one he's dating, and one he's sleeping with. His mind is blured and there seems to be no one to help him make up his mind, and when he does, will he make the right choice? MG and LG.
1. Chapter 1

"David?" She questioned. "What's wrong"  
He sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed, his head in his hands.

"We have to stop this." He said, refusing to look at her face, it was too much.

"But…but why?" He could hear the tears welling up in her eyes. He needed to go. There was no way he could stay, he had to stop this.

"David. No. Please." She said grasping his arm in her petite hand. "Look at me David." She said, her voice was stronger now, and he knew he didn't have the choice to not look.

He turned around as slowly as possible, hoping something would interfere. But it didn't and he was left with her. She was so beautiful. Why did it have to be this way? What would happen if he could stay? He wondered.

"Why are you doing this?" He said softly looking at her small hand on his arm.

"Doing what?" She questioned, her grip loosening.

"This, Miranda, you know we can't do this anymore! I have a girlfriend for fucks sake, it's not like it used to be. We can't just have no strings attached sex anymore. It doesn't work that way. Lizzie's my girlfriend now." He knew every word coming out of his mouth was crushing her bit by bit.

"Why are you doing this to me David? Why can't you even look at me whilst I'm speaking to you?" He could feel the rising rage in her voice.

"I…" He trailed off.

"Look at me David!" She demanded. "You at lest owe me that!"

He couldn't. He knew when he did he'd see the hurt he had caused her. He couldn't do that too her. Not Miranda.

"Look at me David!" She repeated the rage becoming more and more obvious in her tone.

So he did. He saw the girl he loved, more than anything else. But the girl he just couldn't have. Lizzie was his girlfriend, he should have stopped this along time ago, yet he still carried on. Why? He knew what he had to do and it would crush him.

"Miranda, I love Lizzie, This, me and you, it means nothing. I'm sorry. I have to go now." He was right, it hurt, so much. It felt like his heart was being torn up into shreds. But he had to.

The early morning air was cold. The breeze blew softly against him. He could hear her sobs as he closed the door. It killed him. 

How did he every get himself into this? He wondered shoving his hands into his pocket. Things were so complicated now. He recalled the first night he and Miranda had slept together. It had been after he recent break up with he abusive ex Shaun. She had called him late at night, he remembered it so clearly.

She called him. She had said she really needed him, so he went over to her place at 3:00 AM. He found her, bruised and scared. Then they got stoned. It was his and Miranda's dirty little secret. Lizzie had never known that they would occasional skip lessons to go have a joint in the woods near their high school. It all happened so fast, then he woke up, her small frame in his muscular arms.

For along time he had thought about Miranda, he had known he had some what of a crush. But things were complicated and didn't go as he had envisaged. He imagined after that night they would become a couple. But Miranda was whisked off to Mexico again, leaving David alone.

When she came back, they slipped into the habit of casual sex here and there. But now, well, he and Lizzie were dating.

When they had started dating a month ago, he had swore he would break his and Miranda's habit. But the other night, he had messed up. Now he was confused and anxious. He didn't want to hurt Lizzie, he had wanted this relationship for so long. But Miranda. He wanted that too. 

"Hey!" He cheery voice rang down the phone.

"Hi Lizzie." He said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as he could muster right now.

"Are you busy?" She asked in her usual perky Lizzie way, if only she knew what had happened last night.

"No, anything in mind?" He tried to act normal.

"Well I thought we could go the mall, I have a bit of shopping to do." She giggled and added. "That's if my lovely boyfriend doesn't mind shopping."

If only she knew, would she still think of me as lovely? He wondered to himself.

"Of course I don't. What time?" He said, she was so adorable, he knew he was lucky. But there was just something at the back of his mind reminding him of Miranda.

"let say um… 1ish?" she giggled. He loved her giggles.

"Sounds good. I'll pick you up at 1." He said, his mind drifting.

"Ok." She giggled. "Love you."

"Love you too." With that he hung up.

He realised what he was doing. What's wrong with me? He thought. His life had become so uncertain. Now the only thing he could do was roll a joint and wait for some kind of answer.

Note: Hope this stories liked. Your reviews would be so greatly appreciated. I may add some other characters in just to complicate things even more! Yay! More complicated! So yeah. Till next time. 


	2. Chapter 2

I glanced over at Lizzie, her head enthusiastically bobbing to the silly music she has tuned the radio to.

I knew I loved her, I could feel it in ever fibre of my being. She was what I'd wanted for so long. I can remember how she drove me completely crazy, how her beautiful smile used to plague my dreams, how I had had such unrequited love for so long, and then final she had returned my feelings. I had been elated, I swear there's never a better buzz then getting exactly what you wanted.

I think that was one of my problems, I wanted everything, I wanted the best grades, I wanted to get into the best college, I wanted two women, and I seemed to be getting it all. I was in a habit, where I was thirsty for the next thing I wanted, the next thing I just had to have. And I always got it. I for some reason, was one of the luckiest bastards in the world.

At that moment I hated myself, I hated what I was doing to her, Lizzie, Miranda was strong and beautiful, she had so much passion, she would bounce back, ours had, until more recently ours had always been the most casual of affairs, we'd both circum to it, but we always acted like we wouldn't. She had other guys, I knew that, it bothered me I admit, but there was nothing I could really do as I had Lizzie as well. I had no doubt about Miranda. I loathed myself for loving her, but it was so difficult not to. Her beauty and her passion just made me falling such a deep lustful love with her, I couldn't help myself.

But me and Lizzie, it was so different with us, our was a "perfect relationship" I had loved her for so long, and her loving me back gave me such a buzz. I would get mesmerized in her deep chocolate eyes. Lizzie was pretty, very pretty, guys were always all over her. She was so vulnerable and protecting her was something everyone wanted to do. But it was me, it was me she had chosen, expressing how much this made me love her is impossible.

"Dave.." She smiled touching my shoulder. "You ignoring me there." She laughed smiling that beautiful smile of hers.

I laughed and patted her knee. " Could I ever ignore you is the question McGuire."

"Naah, I'm just too darn cute." She giggled. And she really was. "So. I have to buy a Birthday present for Matt. I was hoping to get a mans insight." She glanced over at me. "What kind of think do you think he'll want?"

"I dunno. What's matt into these days, I hardly ever see him." I asked. 

"Well Porn, but I can't just buy him that can I." She laughed. "Well boys will be boys. As long as you don't do that." She laughed. What I did was so much worse.

"Mir.. Is that you?" I asked down the phone, the line had been silent ever since someone had picked up. I waited. I could heard her gentle breathing down the phone.

"Why are you calling me David." She said eventually.

"I don't know." It was true. I didn't, I didn't know why I would always do this, why I could never get her out of my head, her beautiful caramel skin, and her soft slightly Spanish accented voice, when ever I was alone I found myself wondering what she was doing, and when I could next see her. Sure I felt the same about Lizzie, spending time with Lizzie was so much fun. But it was different with Miranda. It wasn't purely sexual, but seeing her had such an element of that, she oozed sexuality, it was passion and heat from the moment we would see each other. Even when we weren't having sex, we would both be thinking about it. We were electric.

"Well maybe you should figure it out." The line went dead. I slowly and regretfully put the receiver down. I wanted to go round to Miranda's so badly. I wanted to see her be with her, touch her skin, her hair. I grabbed my coat and my car keys. I knew this would happen, it always did.

Looking up at her bedroom window I knew she was in there, I could here the soft music playing from her stereo. I was anticipating ever second I would be in that house. I turned off the engine. My head was ringing off alarm bells, reminding me that I had said last time was the truly last time, but I ignored it slowly making my way up her path and ringing of the door bell, waiting for her. I knew she knew it was me from the way she opened the door. She opened the smallest amount possible and looked at me from head to toe. I opened my mouth to say something, I didn't have a clue what. This was it, excitement, anticipation, the electricity between us. Our sordid affair. It was poetic, passionate and beautiful. I stared into her eyes.

"You best come in then." She said.

Authors note: So I love these characters, I agree that maybe there not exactly completely stereotypical of the real characters. But I am enjoying this story, as I hope all you are. The thing with the characters from Lizzie McGuire, is in themselves there's not much depth, but giving a character depth in a preteen comedy is a bit demanding, but there so malleable and adaptable. That's why I really think I liked writing LM fanfics, because there so easy to make the characters your own, and play on your own kind of images of them. Anyway, reviews, even constructive criticism would be lovely. :) 


	3. Chapter 3

She sleepily lit another cigarette.

⌠I knew you▓d come round last night.■ She smirked. She was making fun at me, poking me like a wild animal in a cage. She did know I▓d come round, I always maintained I wouldn▓t have come round. But we both knew I would.

⌠Fuck off.■ I snarled. I had to admit I liked how blunt me and Miranda were with each other. With Liz, I always felt I had to be tactful, as to not upset her. She was so delicate, part of her charm of course, but to contrast Miranda▓s no shit attitude, was part of hers. That was Liz and Mir for you, so opposite, like two completely different ends of a spectrum. Day and night, winter and summer.. That type of thing. It still amazed me today that they had been such good friends. They were still friends, but high school had changed the dynamics of it somewhat. They hung around with different crowds, they had developed there own tastes in everything; people included. They still remained friendly, they would say brief hellos and other pleasantries to each other in passing, occasionally stopping to ask how either was. It didn▓t really venture much further than that though.

She laughed. Raising a singular eyebrow at me. I loved how she did that. It was so seductive. I had to admit, the spiral of self loathing really was setting in, just like it always did. It was almost comforting how it would slowly set in, the morning after. And get worse and worse till I felt like I was about to explode with self hatred. 

⌠Roll that will you.■ She gestured over to the ten laying on the table beside me.

⌠Nah, I best be off.■ I said as I stretched. For a moment, she looked slightly hurt. But regained her normal composure almost instantly.

⌠Alright, so I didn▓t realise you had somewhere better to be.■ She said the sarcasm dripping from her every pore.

⌠Well, in case you didn▓t realise, I do actually.■ I relied pulling my boxers on. I didn▓t look at her, I already anticipated the look of disgust spread across her face. Miranda could make anyone hate themselves with some of her looks. They were these looks of pure hatred that just screamed ⌠What the fuck?■.

⌠What?■ She said, the disgust just oozing out of her.

⌠Well, I already said I▓d do something with Liz. I don▓t think she▓d be best pleased if I jilted her for a joint.■ I replied sighing. I was so tired of this. These two women, I loved them both hopelessly, but they tired me out!

⌠When are you going to tell her?■ She said, her tone changing. She sounded so tired, so exhausted with all the lies. I could empathise.

⌠You know I can▓t do that Mir.■

⌠Well then you▓re a liar.■ She said slowly, with extra intent, which she knew would get to me. She knew all my triggers, my weaknesses, how to make me feel the lowest of the low. And she certainly succeeded this time.

⌠You know your just as much of a liar as me, you talk to her all the time, but you always forget to mention your fucking her boyfriend. So don▓t even pretend to be all innocent Mir, because your just as much to blame as me.■ I couldn▓t take this. It was killing me. All these fucking secrets. I hated what I was doing. I hated me.

⌠Oh fuck off.■ She screamed.

⌠Fine, I fucking will.■ I yelled back. I know technically fighting fire with fire only makes a bigger fire. But I was so exhausted with all of this. I needed to get out of this whole stupid predicament I thought as I walked to my car. I was so angry.

⌠David!■ She shouted from her window. I looked up. ⌠Your going to need to choose, because I▓m fucking sick of this shit!■ She yelled, slamming the window with such gustier I▓m surprised it didn▓t break.

Fuck. She was right, I knew she was. But how on earth was I meant to make this decision. People think, a guy cheats on his girlfriend, he must be a prick. I was a prick. I was such a prick. But where a black and white situation becomes grey, is when you technically love the girl you cheated on your girlfriend with. I love both of them. This choice was impossible.

--------------------------------------

⌠Baby┘ you seem distracted? Are you ok?■ She said touching my shoulder.

⌠Yeah Liz.■ I smiled ⌠I▓m really fine.■ It was a lie. I hated myself even more at this point.

⌠So anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come round for Matt▓s birthday meal thing. I mean its nothing special, just a casual family affair.. What do you think?■ I was half listening and half in a daze, I couldn▓t seem to get out of this fog I was wondering around in these days.

⌠Yeah, course.■ I smiled putting my arm around her petite shoulders.

⌠Where were you last night, I tired calling but your mom said you must have gone out?■ I knew that she was just asking, Liz wasn▓t the suspicious type, but I couldn▓t help but clam up as soon as she mentioned last night. Thoughts were racing through my mind. This was a window of opportunity, I could come clean now, tell her everything, tell her how sorry I was that I▓d hurt her. Tell her what a mistake I▓d made.. Was it a mistake?

⌠Oh, last night, yeah, I was just out with the guys, you know..■ But I didn▓t. I lied, again. To save my own ass as usual.

She nodded. She was so beautiful, sitting there, on her back porch, as the sunlight caught her honey blonde hair; as she smiled so sweetly, her deep chocolate eyes gazing naively into mine. At that point, I wanted her to be suspicious, I wanted her to question me and quiz me until she caught me out. I wanted her to force me to tell her everything about my dirty, horrible secret. I wanted it so badly, I am such a coward, always looking for an easy out.

I knew that any guy would be lucky to have her. I knew that pretty much every guy with a brain would want her. But I had her. Pride is such a powerful emotion. I loved how guys would admire me just for walking around with her, I love how I could almost hear what they were thinking when they saw us, my arm around her shoulder and hers wrapped around my back.

Pride was everywhere for me. Even though I was a top grade student. I brought home all the A▓s. I scored highly on ever test I took. Everyone was proud of me. People would say ⌠There goes that Gordon kid, you know he▓s got such a future ahead of him.■ My teacher, my parents, my friends, they never stopped praising me. I was everyone▓s ⌠diamond in the rough⌠ especially in this small town. But I still couldn▓t answer the one question which plagued me night and day. Why wasn▓t I satisfied with all this?

⌠Dave?■ She looked up at me ⌠I▓m worried about you. What▓s wrong?■

⌠What do you mean?■ I tired my best to look confused. I knew what she meant. I was being strange, anyone could see that. But I just had all this crap racing around in my head. I wish it would fucking quit.

⌠Dave..■ She frowned. ⌠You know what I mean. Why can▓t you tell me, I figured we could tell each other everything.. Right?■ She looked so sad at that point. I could literally feel my heart being ripped to shreds. I hated it all.

⌠We can baby, sorry I▓m being so distant tonight.■ I said kissing her forehead, she met my lips. I could taste her peach lip gloss on her cool lips. She shivered breaking away ever so slightly.

⌠I love you David.■ She whispered. 

Authors note: Well that was chap 3.. Nothing too amazing, apologies. It▓s a gradual process. Sometimes I▓m more into writing than others, which sometimes results into a bit of a strange chapter. But tell me what you think? Thanks guys. All the best. 


	4. Chapter 4

I walked up her path, I knew it so well, every curve, the slightly over grown grass on either side, it had been a feature in my life for years. The porch was lit up to welcome me. I knocked on the door, the door I'd knocked on so many times before. 

"Hey Baby!" She exclaimed bonding up to me and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. Her peach lip gloss tasted so sweet.

"Hey." I grinned, as we went inside.

I knew her house so well, sometimes it almost felt like I was coming home when I stepped inside.

"Hi Gordo!" Mrs McGuire chirped giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad you could make it." She smiled, returning to the kitchen and busying herself with the oven.

I smiled, it was weird that she still called me Gordo. It made me remember all the times I'd come over her as Lizzie's friend and nothing more, with Miranda and we'd all sit and watch movies, or talk about the trivial crap that plagued our lives. Like how much Lizzie fancied Ethan, and how Miranda's mom was bitching at her to baby-sit. All of that seemed like such a distant memory now.

"David!" Sam McGuire grinning. "Good to see you son, how's school been going?" He inquired. I had always liked Sam McGuire, he had always took such and interest in Lizzie's life, he was such a father figure to all of Lizzie's friends. I liked how he was so interested in what I was doing these days, he was such a genuine guy. He had actually seemed over the moon when me and Liz had first started dating. I remember the grin on his face when I picked her up for our very first date. He'd slapped me on the back and told me I was definitely good enough to take his daughter out.

"Yeah, it's going well, Thanks." I smiled.

"Good, very good." He paused for a second, studding my face. "Now David." He put his arm around my large muscular frame, he was now a good 4 inches shorter than me. He steered me over to the couch. "Tell me, are you thinking of any particular colleges?" He said as we sat down.

"Well, there are a few I'm considering, I've applied to a couple, me and my dad were going to take a few trips around to see a couple more. At the moment, you know, I'm just trying to keep my options open." I was so sick of all the college talk. There was so much going on at home now, I barely had time to think about college. It was something everyone just expected of me. "Oh that David Gordon, what a bright boy, he'll definitely go to some amazing college and become a lawyer or a doctor or something.." To be quite honest, I still had no clue what I wanted to do.

"Very good." Sam McGuire said a grin appearing on his face, like he was proud of me. At that second I was so angry at him, He was proud of me. Why? I wasn't his son, my future education had nothing in the slightest to do with him? So why was everyone constantly making it their business. "You have so much potential David." He smiled at me "So much.." He trailed off and sighed.

"Dad, stop pestering Dave." Lizzie giggled re-appearing from the kitchen and falling on the couch next to me. I swung my arm around her and grinned. "No worries Liz" I said smiling at both of them. This "Genuin guy" bullshit I was pulling was getting old..

That's all I was, a pleaser, a bullshiter. I just told people what they wanted to hear. To tell the truth it really was all a load of bullshit. I just knew exactly what it was people wanted to hear. People don't want to hear the angst crap that goes on behind closed doors, they want to hear the positive stuff, even if it is a bunch of bull. They want to hear that your so figured out and your life is such a fucking wonderful cliche. The truth of the matter is, No ones life is that perfect, how the fuck can it be?! But as long as people don't want to hear the truth, you just have to carrying on throwing them all this bullshit, because it makes them happy, it makes there consciences easier.

"Guy's dinners ready!" Jo McGuire said poking her head round the door.

"This looks great Mrs McGuire!" I exclaimed, as we reached the table.

"Thank you Gordo!" She smiled. "Now where is that Matt!" She laughed. "Matthew McGuire! Are you coming down for you Birthday Meal or not!"

There was silence, until we all head slow clunking down the stair. Matt appeared at the door way and raised an eye brow. Matt McGuire, who now looked considerably older at the age of 16, sighed as he surveyed the room. I knew the torture of having to sit down for a family meal only too well, especially when your were a 16 year old guy, and all you wanted was to sit around in your room looking at porn and jerking off.

"Hey," he sighed, sitting heavily down at the head of the table.

"Everyone hungry?" Mrs McGuire said cheerfully, ignoring her son's obvious resentment of the occasion.

After dinner Liz glanced across at me, as she looked up at her mum who was collecting the plates.  
"May we be excused." Liz said, Mrs McGuire rained an eyebrow and gave us both a knowing smirk.

"Go ahead guys." She said. "Be good.." She joked.

Liz's parents trusted us, they trusted me, having known me for so long. And Liz was always a good girl, never missing her curfew or causing problems for her parents. She was an average student, mostly B's and occasionally some A's. She was an all round good girl. I liked that. She was still so wholesome, where as high school had hardened most people, especially me. Liz had stayed the same old Lizzie, dependable, sweet, caring. She didn't smoke or drink, and didn't judge others that did. She was an all round sweetheart. It made me feel so much better being with her, she had such a purifying effect on everyone.

We cleared our places and I thanked Mrs McGuire, then we made our way upstairs to Liz's room. It was pretty much exactly the same as it always had been, still pinks and purples, with a collection of cuddly toys at the end of the bed. Every time I entered her room, it was like I had stepped back in time to middle-school.

She sat on the edge of her bed and shyly patted the space next to her. I smiled, she was so sweet. Anytime we were alone, in a bed room, she always got a little bit shy. It's not like me and Lizzie hadn't done anything. I mean we hadn't had sex yet, but we'd done all the other stuff practically. I never forced her, I made sure everything was ok with her before we went any future. She had stated quite early on in our relationship that she wasn't intending on having sex until she was certain it was right. I respected that, part of me knows that if I hadn' have been having sex else where I would have been slightly more impatient. We'd talked about sex. I told her I wasn' a virgin, she of course was. She seemed slightly upset at the time, when she found out I hadn' saved myself. We never went into the details of who I' had sex with, Knowing Lizzie, it wasn' something she would be interested in anyway.

We started kissing, softly at first, to my surprise she began to deepen it. Over come by passion I began sliding my hand up her top. Before I knew it we were on the bed half naked. I pulled away for a second and studied her eyes intently.

"Are you ok with this." I said, I wanted to make sure she was.

"Yeah.." She smiled gingerly. "I've been really think about it, you know, you and me and our relationship." She said stroking my chest. "I mean, I know that I said I wanted to wait until I knew it was right and stuff, you know, before we had sex..." She trailed off. "But anyway. I think that it is right, you and me, I mean I don't think, I'm sure." She smiled. I smiled back. Part of me was so scared, I knew that once I'd slept with her it would change everything. Me and Miranda would definitely not be able to carry on, it was one thing to sleep with Miranda when I could pretend it was all about the sex, but once me and Liz slept together, I'd know when I slept with Miranda, that it was more than just sex.

I nodded. "Liz, listen, I really don't want to push you into anything your not sure about."

"No, I am sure Dave, I've never been so sure in the whole of my life!" She exclaimed as she kissed me again, this time rougher. Caught up in the moment I kissed her back. I wanted her so much at that point. She slowly slide her hands further and further down my torso untill she reacted my pants. I let her un-button them, I was so caught up in the moment.

"Wait!" I sat up. I couldn't bare to look at her face. I couldn't believe what a jerk I was being, she'd just completely given herself to me and I was about to reject her.

"David." She said looking at me so intently, so as I couldn't avoid her gaze. Her dark brown eyes were brimming with tears. I had to think of something to say fast.

"Look, Lizzie. I just want this to be special." I did, but it wasn't my main motive. "I want your first time and my first time with you, to be really special. Not in your room while your parents are down stairs.. Do you get me?" She looked down at her hands.

"I suppose. I just thought that now was as good a time as any." She said fiddling with her bra strap. I felt so shitty, I was completely rejecting her.

"No, Liz." I said lifting up her chin so our eyes met. "I love you, ok? And I just want this to be special and amazing." I kissed her forehead. I really did love her, and it was partly the reason I was stopping this.

"Yeah." She managed a smile. "Ok, your right," She said gentle placing one of her cool hands to my cheek. "I love you too."

"Ok." I smiled as I slide off the bed. "we'll make this really special ok, I want this to be so special for you Liz." I grinned as I pulled my Shirt back on.

"Are you going already?" She said as a look of confusion crossed her face.

"Yeah, sorry baby, I really have to get home. I have about 2 papers due for tomorrow." I grinned leaning across the bed and giving her a peak on the lips.

"Ok." She forced a smile. I felt like the biggest bastard in the world. How could I even let myself do this to her.

"Do you still want a lift tomorrow?" I asked remembering her car was in the garage. "Yeah please." She said pulling her top slowly over her head.

"Ok baby, I'll come pick you up round 8?" I smiled

"That would be good." She replied.

"I'll see myself out ok baby." I grinned giving her one final peck. I rushed out of there as fast as possible, only stopping to say brief good-byes and a Happy Birthday to Matt. I really couldn't stay there any longer.

I put the keys in the ignition. I felt like crap. How could I have done that too her. How could I have lied straight to her face. The truth was I didn't have any paper due, at all. I'd practically finished up everything there was to finish. The principle had dragged me into his office just the other week, to give me another one of his "Now David.. We are so proud of you David..This school is made so much better because of you David.. Any college will be luck to have you.." And all that other bull shit he'd spin me. I knew as well as he did that I made his school look great. They had the infamous David Gordon in their school, Hillridge was a small place, and when they realised I had this big future ahead of me, they began to worship the ground I walked on. I know I sound cocky, but it was the honest truth. Liz and Miranda felt like the only people who wouldn't spin me all this crap and suck up to me.

I drove around for hours, I didn't want to go home, I had enough to think about with out my parents bothering me about college applications. Of course I ended up in Miranda's side of town. I drove up to her house and turned off the engine. I sat there for what seemed like hour, just looking at her house, at her open window. What was I going to do? I had everything.. But I wanted more. I had the chance tonight to have sex with Lizzie, the girl I had been in love with for that last six years, and I didn't take it. And it wasn't because I wanted it to be special, well it wasn't just that. It was also because I was so fucking scared. I was scared of committing myself, I was scared of making all my lies that much worse, I was scared of losing Miranda for good. I didn't love her in the pure, poetic way I loved Lizzie. I loved her in this raw, painful way, which made me feel so bad, but also made me feel so amazing. Miranda, and being in love with Miranda, took me to such new heights. Where as Lizzie was predictable and sweet, Miranda was raw and sensual. Our relationship was painful and full of turmoil and angst, but made it that much more passionate and crazy.

I couldn't go in there, I decided. Not tonight after what had just happened. I eventually made my way back to my house. Grudgingly I entered my house. I knew my parents were asleep, so that was a welcome relief. I turned on some equally melancholic music to suit my mood, and lay down onto my bed. God. What on earth was I going to do. I walked to the window and lit a cigarette. I looked across the lights of Hillridge, I'd lived here for so long, all my life, and with-in a year I would be leaving all of it behind, going off to college, growing up so to speak. Yet I still felt like such a stupid little boy. I was at a loss, and I knew that no one was going to help me out on this one. For a guy with an IQ of 170, I certainly was being stupid.

Authors note: Ok, so tell me what you think. I think I'm getting back into the swing of this story, god knows it took me long enough. Well anyway, I preferred this chapter to the last. This has also made me realise that I haven't really made any proper advances in the story line.. Should probably do that at some point. So anyway, yeah, please do tell me what you think. It's always nice to have a bit of feedback. So thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

School was crazy, graduation was nearing every second. You could sense it in air, the tension and excitement was everywhere. Everyone was a sliding scale of emotion, no one could quite work out weather they were happy or sad about leaving. On one hand we'd be out of high school, out from under the education systems, ready to begin our own lives, our new lives. But then there was this indescribable sense of sadness and loss, after graduation, we all knew that we'd lose the comfort we took in this familiar setting, in all these familiar faces, our lives as we knew them would be thrown into a completely different universe. 

"Dave, my man!" exclaimed Ethan Craft. Ethan hadn't changed really at all since middle school, he was still the good looking, popular jock he'd always been. I took slight comfort in this, it felt like everyone and everything had changed over the past five years, but then there was Ethan, good old clueless Ethan, who just stayed exactly the same. I always wonder weather the outside world, out of these familiar walls, would give Ethan such an easy time.

"Hey Eth." I grinned, I liked Ethan, I saw him as my slightly stupid, but harmless rock.

"Graduations right around the corner man, how crazy is that shit?" He said, slumping down next to me.

"Yeah, I know, feels like yesterday we were graduating middle school." I sighed. It's such a cliche, but for some reason, it was just so true.

"It's heavy man. So hey, how are you and Liz?" Ethan said, moving on quickly, deep conversations had never really been Ethan's thing.

I knew that Ethan had a soft spot for Liz, I'm a firm believer that if me and Liz hadn't began going out, given a bit more time Ethan would have asked her out quite happily.

"It's good, you know." I was lying through my teeth. Sometimes I wished that I had a guy I could talk to about my dilemma. I'd never really been the type of guy who talks about his feelings, or any issues that are going on. I usual just keep myself to myself. But sometimes, I'd always imagined that having a friend to talk to about some stuff, could be a pretty useful asset.

"That's really good man! Seriously, you guys are destined!" He exclaimed giving me a hearty slap on the shoulder. He stood up. "Later Dave." He grinned.

'Destined'.. destined to what? Be together? I assumed that's what he meant. I know Ethan's IQ was probably equivalent to that of two short planks. But for some reason, he'd made me think so hard my head felt like it was spinning. I sat on my roof, we had an amazing panoramic view of the whole of Hillridge. It looked so small from up here. I was moving next year, getting out of Hillridge, leaving this small town, with so much bigger dreams for myself. I'd always sworn to myself, that I would never get stuck in a place like this. My life would never be so mundane. Ethan had said me and Liz were 'destined', to stay together? Would that mean marriage, kids, a house in the suburbs? I couldn't say I wanted any of that. Did she? Everything seemed so complicated when I started think about my future with Liz. Then when my thoughts went to Miranda, which they inevitably would, my mind seemed to clear of all these complications. I couldn't see a future with Miranda that evolved that, the family, the dog, the perfect suburban lifestyle, which I detested so much. Yet when I thought about it more, I could see Miranda being in my future less and less. She was passionate and unpredictable, I didn't know whether I wanted that burden much either.

So what was it to be? A life with Liz, which I would end up resenting? Or a future that didn't exist with Miranda?

Maybe I was thinking too far ahead..

"Hey." She said, sleep still clung to her voice. "It's late, What's up?"

"Sorry." I glanced at the clock, she was right, it was 3:04 am. "I just wanted to talk.."

"Alright.. What about?" She asked sighing heavily.

"Liz, what do you want in the future? Like you're ideal future, what would it consist of?" I asked, realising this was possibly too much thought for Liz, who'd been asleep up until 3 minutes ago.

"Dave.. Why are you asking me this now?" She asked. I felt bad, it had just been plaguing my mind so much, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

"I just wanted to know.. Sorry, I'll let you sleep."

"No, no." She sighed, I could hear her adjusting herself in her bed. "I'm awake now. What do I want in the future.. I don't know, I've always envisaged a nice home, financial security.. All that stuff.. And..." She trailed off. I could hear her breathing and contemplating her next words. I waited for her to finish. "..A husband, I suppose. Why does it matter? It's such a long time away."

"I know." I said. She was right, I'd let Ethan's comment work me up so much.

"What's all this about Dave?" She asked.

"I've just been thinking about the future and stuff, you know. I'm confused Lizzie, really confused." I admitted. I wanted to talk to her, to discuss all of my deepest thoughts and feelings, but for some reason there was always a barrier with me and Liz.

"What about baby?"She asked, genuine concern sounding in her voice.

"Nothing.. Nothing, Don't worry Liz, I'm sorry for waking you, I'll see you tomorrow babe." I sighed. I couldn't exactly tell her about everything that had been plaguing my mind for the last few months.

"Alright then." She said "Are you sure you're ok David?"

"Yeah Liz, I'll be fine. I love you."

"I love you too." She yawned, and put the phone down. I sat there for a minute, the receiver still to my ear. I contemplated for the briefest moment calling her back and just telling her everything, telling her about me and Miranda, how confused I was about my future, about our future. I knew I couldn't though.

Slowly I dialled Miranda's number. It rang for a minute of two before Miranda's voice grunted down the phone.

"What?" She asked gruffly.

"Hey, It's me." I replied.

"I know, I've got caller ID." She replied sounding pissed off. "What do you want? It's late."

"I know. I'm sorry, I just feel really weird Mir.." She probably wasn't in the mood to care how I felt at the moment.

"Why?" She asked bluntly.

"I don't know. Maybe its like this whole graduation thing or something." I wanted answers to why I was feeling like this. Logically I knew she couldn't give me any, I just wanted someone to tell me it would all be ok.

"But why?" She replied, I knew she was still half asleep, I couldn't really expect a depthful conversation tonight.

"Because maybe I don't know what to do with my life, or I just don't want to move on." I really just had no answers for once, it made me feel weird.

"Well we all have to move on at some point Dave, that's life, nothing stays the same." I smiled, this was such a Miranda answer, sometimes I thought she wasn't scared of anything. She was like me, she wanted to get away from Hillridge, and I knew that there was a part of her that was terrified about leaving as well, but she'd never admit it.

"Are you scared?" I asked, I knew she'd say no.

"No. I want to leave, there nothing here Dave, you know that as well as I do."

"Yeah, I guess you're right Mir." And she really was right.

"What's this really about Dave.." she asked "Liz?" She could read me like a book, she had always been able to.

"In a way." I replied, I did and didn't want to have this conversation all at the same time, I knew that we needed to talk about it, but part of me couldn't bare to talk about it yet.

"Well." She sighed "I knew we'd need to have this conversation sometime. You want to come over?"

"Nah, it's late, we can talk about it another time." I knew in my mind that I should have said yes, gone over there and confronted this, but not yet, not at the moment. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I suppose. Good night David." She said and put the receiver down. No 'I love you's' Just straight forward Miranda, as always.

I lay down. Something big was going to happen, I could sense it. I just didn't know when.

Authors note: Soooo.. First time I've updated in a while.. I'm lazy, what can I say. What's the general consensus? I'm kind of at a loose end with this. I'll probably be finishing it up within the next few chapters. Thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

"Wait here, I'll be back in a second." She kissed me on the cheek and opened her car door. 

"Alright." I replied. "Where are you going?"

"It's a surprise stupid." She laughed and with that she shut the car door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

What surprise? I had never really liked surprises. I always liked to be able to pre-meditate everything in my life. I liked control, I liked to have every game plan mapped out. Losing control was often my worst fear, if I didn't control a situation then I hated being in it. Surprises were like the ultimate lack of control for me, and that is why I detested them so.

I leaned my forehead on the dash board of my car. I hated this wait, I wanted to know what "surprise" Liz had in store for me. It was pure torture. I'd always been impatient, my mother had always said I was in a rush to get out, on accounts of being 3 weeks early for delivery. I knew in my logical mind that this so called "surprise" couldn't be anything bad, but still, the suspense was killing me.

"Ok!" She exclaimed getting back into the drivers seat.

"Ok what?" I didn't mean to sound irritable, but it just came out that way.

"Well if you're going to be a bastard then you don't get it." She grinned. I could tell she was just poking fun at me, she knew how much I hated surprises.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry, now what is it?" I returned her smile. She really was cute.

She presented me with a medium sized brown box. I looked at her quizzically.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Open it!" She laughed.

Inside was the hand held camera I had wistfully looked at in the window of the mall electronics shop for so long. I was actually speechless! me, David Gordon, mastermind child genius, speechless.

"Liz..." I trailed off just staring at it resting in amongst its packaging.

"Well, do you like it?" She said, with a slightly nervous look on her face.

Of course I fucking liked it! I loved it! Christ. But after this initial burst of joy came this inky black feeling of guilt. There she sat, this beautiful, loving girl. She had just brought me a massively expensive present, which no doubt she had been saving up for. And then there I was, the worst boyfriend in the world. The boyfriend who is sleeping with her friend, the boyfriend that is lying to her every day of there relationship.

"Liz, I just don't know what to say. This is amazing! How did you even afford this?" Her face looked elated when I finally spoke. I could see how happy and proud she was about this present.

"I saved." She shrugged.

"But why?" I had to ask. My birthday wasn't for months and I couldn't really think of any reason for this surprise present.

"Because I love you silly!" She laughed.

"Woah! She brought you a camera. I hope you don't expect anything like that from me." Miranda said smirking.

"Shut up Mir, you wouldn't be capable of doing something so nice." I snapped getting out of bed and walking to her window.

"Chill Dave." She joined me and placed her petite hand on the small of my back. "I can think of other nice things that I can do for you." She purred and nuzzled my neck.

"Miranda, stop it! Christ. Isn't this bad enough!?" She looked dejected as I shrugged her off. But what could I do? I felt like shit about this whole situation.

"Don't take this out on me David. You are the one who's fucking both of us, I can't do that for you." Her words hung icily in the air as she went in to the bathroom. As a matter of fact, I wasn't sleeping with Lizzie at the moment anyway. After me saying I wanted it to be special, she'd got it into her head that after prom would be the ultimate perfect time for us the have sex for the first time. I'd agreed, although I didn't want to tell her that I'm sure it would be ultimately painful for her, and not as romantic and beautiful as she'd pictured it. In reality it was more likely to be messy and uncomfortable.

I sat down heavily on the bed. I kept making this resolve after every time Miranda and I slept together, that it would be the last time. But then it would happen again, and here I would be, making the exact same promise I'd made the last time. What was the use? I would only do it again, I knew it, Miranda knew it. I was the biggest bastard going.

"Are you leaving or what?" Miranda said emerging from the bathroom. "I have a paper due tomorrow and I need to get it done." She said, pulling her trousers back on.

"Yeah, fine, I'm going." I mumbled, grabbing my boxers off the chest of draws, where they had been so carelessly flung in the heat of passion.

"We still haven't had that talk yet, you know about Liz..." she said as if it were an after thought.

"I know." I replied.

"Well.." I knew she wanted something from me, some definite answer, some type of decision.

"I don't want to do this now Miranda." I just couldn't yet.

"Well you're going to do it sometime David. Quite frankly I don't give a shit if you fuck both of us, but I'm pretty sure Lizzie would." I could feel the coldness in her voice.

"You know Miranda. I think you do care. I think you care so much, and just put this little "I don't care" attitude on, because you are scare. You are shit scared of having real feelings for me." I couldn't help myself, she really wound me up. Her look now was deflating. She looked like a rabbit caught in headlights. It was a cruel thing for me to do, I knew it was.

"Leave." She said quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Look Mir.. I didn't mean it. I'm just so messed up right now."

"I asked you to leave." She said again, keeping her voice level.

"Miranda!" I exclaimed, seizing her arms in my hands. "Forgive me?" I couldn't leave with her being mad at me.

She shook my hands off, and sat on the bed. I waited for her to talk, but she didn't.

"Miranda..." I sat down next to her. "Please talk to me."

She breathed in heavily. "I do have feelings for you. Deeper feelings I mean." She finally said. It was so much more shocking coming from her mouth than it had been in my brain. "But you knew than didn't you."

"Look Mir.. I'm so in love with you, I think you're the most amazing and unique girl I have ever known. You're so sexy and intelligent. You can always keep up with me and it amazes me. I just love you and Lizzie so much and so differently. I don't know what to do?"

"Don't do that." She said softly staring at the floor.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't tell me you love me, don't tell me all of that about me being amazing and sexy."

I lifted her chin and my heart broke. She was crying.

"I don't understand Mir..."

"You tell me all that and it makes this worse. Do you know how much it hurts me that you come over here, fuck me and then go on a date with Lizzie. I know how much you love her Dave I've been aware of it since middle school for gods sake." She turned her head away from me. "And you saying all that, just makes me wonder that if you think all that about me, why aren't I the one you are with? So just don't say it. Ok?" It sounded more like she was pleading then commanding.

I nodded slowly. She was right. If I loved her so much, then why wasn't I with her? I couldn't answer that. I mean I loved her so much, but then I loved Lizzie so much as well.

"I think you better leave now." She said after a while of silence between us.

"Ok." I stood up and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Bye Mir.! I walked out of her house like I was in a trance. I had so much running through my mind. So many questions about this whole fucked up situation. On top of all that I was feeling like the most cruellest human being on the planet for doing this to two of the people I loved most.

I sat in my car outside Miranda's house for along time. I didn't know what I was waiting for, maybe an answer to all this. But none came. My cell phone begain to vibrate in my pocket. It was Miranda.

"Hi." I answered.

"Dave, why are you still outside?"

"I just had to think for a bit." It was the best thing I could think to say.

"I've been thinking to." She replied. "About all this. You know, you, me, Lizzie." She paused as if she were waiting for me to say something. When I didn't she continued. "The thing is, I don't think I can do this any longer. I want you, I want to be with you. and I think you want the same thing. But I cant do it like this. Sneaking around like we're doing something illegal. What I am trying to say is; I can't wait for you to make up you're mind David. You have to choose. Me or Lizzie." There was a long pause for a while and then the line went dead. I sat there stunned. There is was, the ultimatum I knew I would eventually have to answer. Obviously it would have to be sooner rather than later.

Authors note: Ugh. Sorry this chapter didn't really move the story any further than the last one. My aim with this was to kind of show Miranda putting her foot down, which is going to be the over all pushing factor in Gordo making his mind up. So I will try and update more frequently, but I only seem to have the inspiration every so often, like now, it's stupid o'clock and I'm writing this instead of sleeping. Guh. I'll see this one out to the end though. Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

I felt like such a hypocrite. I'd always ranted on about how going to prom was the ultimate symbol of conformity. Now here I was adjusting my bow tie, just hours before I picked Lizzie up, in a limo that was costing me more than a whole weeks wages. I felt like such a traitor.

I looked at my reflection, I looked like an idiot. I'd had my trade mark floppy curls chopped off for the "big night". I don't know why, maybe I thought giving myself a new image would suddenly make everything clear in my head. It was safe to say that it hadn't, it had just made my head look enormous.

I flopped on to my bed, glancing at my phone, in vain hope that Miranda would have answered one of the numerous text messages I had sent her over the last week. She hadn't, but I pretty much new that already. She hadn't been in contact ever since she had given me the choice of her or Lizzie. I still hadn't been able to give her an answer. Quite honestly I didn't see a way out of this situation that would be easy. Lizzie had this idea in her head that we'd make the whole long distance thing work, when we both went to separate colleges. Quite frankly, being the logical person I am, I realised that it would never work. I suppose that maybe made it my "get out of jail free" card. However that made me feel like such a coward. But it did seem like the easiest option.

"David!" My mother interrupted my thoughts. "The limo company just called, they said they'd be here in half an hour."

"Ok Mom, thanks." She stood at the doorway, like she was waiting for me to say something else. She was making me feel nervous, just standing there, her eyes boring into my soul. "Do you need something?" I asked.

"No, no." She smiled. "I was just seeing how hansom my son looks in his tux."

"Thanks Mom." I smiled warmly at her, yet I could help but feel she had been thinking about something else.

"You would tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?" She asked, her smile turning in to a concerned look.

"Yeah Mom of course, nothings wrong!" I exclaimed, although I was lying through my teeth.

"Ok. Have fun tonight." She grinned, before turning to leave.

As she shut the door I was filled with guilty relief. The last thing I wanted to do was discuss my problems with my Mother, although I knew if there was anyone I could talk to about this, it was probably her. I just didn't want her to see through the perfect son image that had been placed upon me. I didn't want her to see this lying, cheating, monster of a son that she actually had. To her and my Father I had always been such a golden child; I'd never stumbled in drunk, or been caught smoking out my window, or ever done drugs. Which was surprising as I had done all those things at one point or another. Maybe they knew more than they let on. I suppose I was mostly a pleasing son. I did my chores, got perfect grades, planned to go to an ivy league college. I covered all the bases of a ⌠perfect child⌠ so to speak. As far as I was concerned, they didn't need to know that my life wasn't so perfect.

"Limos here David!" My Mother shouted up the stairs. All I wanted to do was get out of this stupid tux and go back to bed. But I couldn't, as much as I wanted to. I slowly heaved myself off my bed and made my way to the door. I glanced at my reflection one more time. This was it. I was going to prom with my girlfriend Lizzie, who I was so deeply in love with. And enviably I would see Miranda, the girl who had turned my whole world upside with lust and love. Tonight marked the end of my high school career, this would be as good a time as any to clear my conscience. Tonight, I would sort this big mess out.

Authors note: Sorry its been such a long time, and this chapters been so short. Just moving this all on. Next chapter will be the last, and I promise to write in within the next few days. Thank you all so much for reviewing and reading.


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